My Phoenix Story - Part 1
- Matt M.
- Mar 23
- 8 min read
Updated: Mar 31
$2.81. That's the total amount of money tied to my name as began to write this script of my podcast episode. I have no savings and no incoming funds.
I should be focusing my energy on finding a job, right? Yes and no. Of course I need funds to maintain my material livelihood but that does not mean I should withhold my creativity. My intention with creating this podcast and blog is to share my experience openly and vulnerably without judgement of myself or others.
So, how did I get to this financial and material low point in my life? Well, it's been quite the journey. A journey of which I am incredibly proud of and grateful for.
This is my Phoenix story.
In December of 2019 I started a hobby research project to dive into the "World of UFO's". I figured it would be something to entertain myself with as I took part in my other extracurricular activities while living in Colorado.
By 2020, I was less then a year into this hobby project as well as a new job. The team I had the privilege of working with at this new job were "best in class". Not only because they were intellectual experts in their respective disciplines but because of their hearts. They had this great harmony with how they presented themselves. It was inspirational to be around. By March of 2020, our company, as well as our entire planetary civilization, was faced with lock-downs due to the pandemic and our team had to adapt to working remotely full-time.
The pandemic was only one of many societal level catalysts that brought me emotionally "to my knees" in 2020. During this time, I found myself asking the same questions I have my entire life, “Why do these issues continue to happen?” and “How have we gotten to this point?”. My depth of confusion reached a point that turned into determination. I wanted to finally answer these questions with sincere effort and evidence, not only with philosophy.
I came to the realization that my hobby research project came into my life in a timely manner and could be utilized as the platform to help me answer my philosophical questions. By May of 2020, I was intellectually consuming book after book, documentary after documentary and article after article regarding any topic related to UFOs, the supernatural, psychology, past civilizations, extraterrestrials, conspiracy's and many other topics.
Additionally, I experienced Synchronicity and Angel Numbers throughout the media I was reviewing on a daily basis. I was being given a great deal of support by my guides that I was on the right track.
In late 2020, I became familiar with a number of people in these research circles. They had charisma, they had "secret" knowledge and they had "answers" to my philosophical questions. All of this for the low low price of purchasing one of their books, webinars or whatever else they were "selling". I was hooked. I felt that I found a community of people who had access to information that would help me explain the state of our civilization.
Later in my story I will discuss how key individuals from this research "community", who I call the 'Sales Team', would become one of the most important catalysts of healing that I've experienced at this point in my life.
Also in late 2020 I started to document my spiritual experiences and the research that I was conducting. I felt driven to write and be creative. I never considered myself a writer at all, nor did I ever receive feedback in my life that I was good at it. I was pleasantly surprised with how easy it was to write and how much happiness it brought me.
As 2020 came to a close I took time to rest from the challenging year. I saw the upcoming new year as an opportunity to continue my spiritual and creative journey.
In early 2021, most of the team I was working with had quit and moved on to new jobs. There were also layoffs occurring at the company. I could see the writing on the wall and started to look for new employment opportunities.
While looking for new jobs I decided to take all of the writing that I produced in 2020 and create a podcast. I was on fire to develop this podcast as fast as possible. At times it felt like I was metaphorically possessed. I took that creative energy, edited my writing to meet an episodic format and started to take the steps to develop a show.
As I was developing the show I was provided a employment opportunity that I decided to move forward with. It was a new experience as I had not worked in this particular industry before. I'd be using new professional muscles. I have always enjoyed that. Being able to obtain new skills through experience is part of what makes life so exciting to explore.
Unfortunately, there was a problem. I felt a great deal of doubt when I took this position. That was a red flag but I felt compelled to take the job regardless. Please note - I'm not blaming anyone regarding the doubt I felt. I know my feeling was legitimate but I am not providing this perspective to be petty. I'm providing this perspective to help articulate how my story developed into the healing and wisdom I gained from my experience.
By April of 2021 I was about a month into my new position and launched my first podcast, called Station 19, on April 19th of that year. I was excited to have a new position, meet new people and express my creative self publicly for the first time in my life. April moved into May, May moved into June and I continued to release new podcast episodes.
The month of July 2021 was intense. I released a set of episodes to Station 19 that I believed to be some of my best creative work. I was excited to share it. Also during this month I would be faced with a decision that would propel my life in a completely new direction and accelerate the of healing trauma that I was still carrying.
The decision that contributed to this acceleration of healing was that I walked out of my new job. I had only been at this job for 5 months. I have never done this before, it was very uncharacteristic of me. However, I knew I needed to do it even though I could not fully comprehend why at that time.
The reason I left was because I felt betrayed and disrespected coming out of a meeting I had with internal and external stakeholders. This meeting was the tipping point for my patience. For months I felt a considerable amount of doubt regarding my skill set from internal team members of this organization. My response to this was to abandon the situation all together instead of persevering through the betrayal and disrespect.
I knew my decision to leave was justified but how I approached leaving was not justified, it was impulsive because I was hurt. I did not weigh any other consequences. I did not spend enough time asking myself, "How would my action impact my colleagues?".
I convinced myself that my self proclaimed justifications were enough to mitigate any consequences and my colleagues would be fine. That was not fair, or professional, for me to determine. I am sorry to those that I negatively impacted, you deserved better. I handled that situation based on the only way I knew how to at that point in my life, which was to abandon the issue and shut people out.
After leaving that organization, I knew that I was going to access the life savings that I accumulated over the course of my 13 year career and simply live. I took on a part-time job with the horse rescue I volunteered at, I began going to conferences to meet the researchers I followed, I traveled all over the west and focused on learning how to meditate. No deadlines, no politics, just me and my dog, Joy.
Taking a break from career brought me a great deal of abundance. I felt freedom, hope and relief at profound levels. For the first time in my life, I could actually breathe. I was grateful to be able to have this kind of experience as it's not one that many people can have. I honored that understanding as much as possible to ensure I remained humble.
As free as I may have felt at that time, I was equally putting myself into a heavily fortified self-imposed mental prison. My mind had all of this space now but my heart had unresolved trauma at a deep unconscious level.
Because of this I found myself surrendering the trauma of my life, and our civilization's, to the idea of conspiracy theories. I thought, "Finally! I can blame someone for the pain I feel. I can blame someone for how I've always felt like an Outsider.". These thoughts became the bedrock of my Phoenix story. The flame of my healing had now started to increase in size and I was oblivious to it.
Even though my mind was clouded with conspiracy, I could still rely on my intuition. Like all topics of our world, conspiracies are polarized. Merely mentioning the word 'conspiracy' and people tend to become tense, understandably so.
My intuition would provide me moments to learn the balance of providing my "new found perspectives" to others and when not to. Also, my intuition would make it abundantly clear that I had no physical or material evidence to support conspiracy claims. However, my ego would step in at times and label that intuitive guidance as a "cover-up". This was the intense mental merry-go-round that I began to experience on a daily basis. It was confusing, exhausting and isolating.
Even though I was in a state of confusion during this time of my life, my intuition and my guides would still chip away at the "Sales Team" researchers that I followed. As 2021 progressed, I started to let go of some researchers that I previously felt were leaders and pioneers. Releasing the "Sales Team" from my life would be an on-going process over the course of the next year.
By October of 2021 I was guided to try a Quantum Hypnosis session. It's not like the theatrical hypnosis practices seen in the movies and on TV. The goal of this type of hypnosis practice is to provide you the space and tools to connect with your Higher Self.
Basically, your Higher Self is the voice that provides you guidance that is aligned with your highest good so that you can reach your life's purpose and fulfill it. Most people may know their Higher Self to be their "gut instinct". It's that first thought that comes into your heart about how to move forward in life before the mind rationalizes and/or creates doubt regarding your gut instinct.
Attending my first Quantum Hypnosis session was a flashpoint moment for me. In general, I have awareness that I've been on a path of healing since 2012. However, my Quantum Hypnosis session promoted healing to now take place where I needed it most, at the unconscious and soul levels. It was like a building a new house. You have to put the foundation down first before building anything else.
My new foundation was timed perfectly and would provide me the support that I needed for events to come in the new year.
Thanks for reading and enjoy your present moment!
Matt
Source(s)
My QHHT Practitioner & Friend - Julie Doray
