Detach from Control, Become Fluid
- Matt M.
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
Coming out of my last blog post, I have been exploring and accepting the stress within myself that I have been avoiding. On one hand, I feel liberated. It's like my true self is shouting in celebration and saying: "YES! You don't need this stress anymore. We can be our self more now!". On the other hand, I feel scared. This liberation that my true self feels so jazzed about is perceived as a threat to me Ego.
I'll pat myself on the back and say I've been patient with myself. This paradox of emotions feels like it's in the delicate stage of integration so all I need to do is allow it to move through me. Within this integration of my emotional paradox is opportunity. As my emotional body is flushing out the stress that no longer serves a purpose in my life, I find other aspects of myself that I can address at a deeper level.
With this experience of paradox occurring in my present moment, I made more of an effort to meditate this morning. Recently I have been inconsistent with my practice so I'm aiming to make more of an effort this week.
Once I was settled into my meditation, I became unsettled. My mind began attached to my podcast. I found myself thinking about how I'm going to write the next episode, how it will be presented, what to say, what not to say, when to record it, when to publish it. For a brief moment I convinced myself that I was receiving guidance from my higher self about this next episode.
For me, meditation isn't a place to use my mind. To plan. To schedule. To develop anything. It's a place of stillness, of emptiness. By being still and empty of thought, my true self and spirit come in to help guide me through intuition, not logic. That being said, I had to drop my "thinking" in this morning meditation.
As I stopped thinking, I felt release. This release wasn't only of the thoughts themselves but the discordant type of energy that comes with a overly busy mind. I embrace the void, the emptiness and rested. I wasn't sleeping, but I wasn't entire consciously awake either. The next thing I know my timer goes off and 35 minutes had passed. It was so fast!
Coming out of the meditation, I pulled to cards so that I can review the themes from this meditation or gain insight on what I need to work on within myself. First I pulled a Galactic Heritage Card titled - 5 Fluidity | Andromeda - Parallel. Here's what resonated me the most as I read the wisdom from this card:
"See how your life changes when you don't try to control your reality. Let yourself "surf" the universal energy instead of trying to control it. See what happens!"
Then I pulled an Osho Zen Tarot Card titled - Control. Noticing a theme here? Well, here's part of the card I felt is most relevant:
"There is a time and a place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives we end up totally rigid. The figure is encased in the angles of pyramid shapes that surround him. Light glitters and glints off his shiny surfaces, but does not penetrate. It's as if he is almost mummified inside this structure he's built up around himself. His fists are clenched and his stare is blank, almost blind.
The lower part of his body beneath the table is a knife point, a cutting edge that divides and separates. His world is ordered and perfect, but it is not alive - he cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it."
Rigidity and Control. In my mind I was approaching my next podcast episode within the parameters of these false concepts. I perceived that I need to plan, schedule, develop and manage the entirety of my creativity. However, this rigidity and sense of control is depleting my vitality. Which is ultimately leading me to loose interest in being creative.
By exploring and accepting the stress from my life, I have allowed myself to open up to the unconscious habits which I am still clinging onto. Specifically, the unconscious habit of feeling I need to control everything. This isn't a new theme I've explored, or have written about, but it's a deeper exploration and purging of what no longer serves me.
So what is my plan now? Well, I am going to release myself from the temptation of control. I am going to be creative in the moment, not a week in advance. I am not going to write a script or develop a presentation during my next podcast episode, I'm just going to speak from my heart and see what happens. I'm going to take this concept of 'Fluidity' and apply it to my day.
Thanks for reading and have a great present moment!
Matt
Audio Podcast | https://planetphoenix.podbean.com/
Galactic Heritage Cards | https://www.lyssaroyal.net/card-decks.html
Osho Zen Tarot Cards | https://www.osho.com/mobile/zen-tarot
