Leaving my Stress to the Wolves
- Matt M.
- 6 days ago
- 5 min read
A few nights ago I had a dream that has stuck with me all week. The setting was at night. I was in a field with a man who was taller then me with white short hair. I sensed his fear and saw that he was looking around us for some kind of threat. Off in the distance there was a house that looked like something out of the countryside of Scotland or England. The lights were on and people were having a celebratory party. This house was my destination but we wouldn't make it there easily.
A few moments later a wolf came running towards the tall man. The wolf was so fast that the tall man didn't stand a chance. The wolf instance bit onto his arm and wouldn't let go. There was considerable damage being done and I went into "protector" mode. I scared the wolf away and evaluated the tall man's injury.
Then the pack arrived. The tall man and I were being circled. His fear increased one hundred fold and I immediately brought him to a standing position so we can begin our escape. This would not be an easy walk to the house of light. The tall man's arm was bleeding bad and barely hanging on. A number of times he said, "Please. You have to leave me. I can't go on. Just let them get me.".
As I heard him make these statements I did not process them. I knew we were close to the house of light and could make it. The wolves began get closer, sensing that their prey was injured and that I could not defend both of us. Then I began to bark, shout and defy the wolf pack. I could sense their dismay. I could also sense that they were falling back.
The tall man said, "You have to leave me. I'm holding you back. You can let me go. I'm ok with it.". After his statement, I took a brief moment to process what he expressed. I thought: "I can let him go? Why would he want me to leave you to the wolves?". I then ignored my thought and his request. We were almost at the house.
As we got closer to the house, I became louder with the wolves. I would not let them enter our bubble of safety. Then we finally arrived in the doorway of the house of light. While in the mudroom, a few of the house occupants came up to the injured man and myself. Without question or hesitation, they began to assist the injured man and took him into the back of the house.
The last thing I remember from the dream was standing in the house and feeling relieved. However, there was an aspect of the experience I had with the tall man that was scratching at my psyche. Why did he want me to let him go? Why would he accept a fate such as that when we were both so close to safety.
I've been thinking about that dream a lot since that night. At first I believed that my higher self was indicating that the tall man represented the emotional turmoil that I've experienced in the last couple of months. More specifically that I just need to carry this turmoil a little bit further gaining access to the metaphorical house of lights.
Hmm. Well, that is logical but the dream still played itself out in my waking day. Then I had my weekly meditation group and a theme came up that provided clarity. The theme was centered around the Character we become in this life due to the conditioning from our familial and society upbringing. The spiritual wheels in my mind began to turn...
As I thought on it more, I remembered what the tall man said to me: "You have to leave me. I'm holding you back. You can let me go. I'm ok with it."
I believe that the tall man represented the aspects of my Character that I no longer need in my life. "Being the protector", "Roughing it out" and deeper aspects of "Control" are leaving me. The wolves that surrounded the tall man and I weren't a threat to me, they were their to take these aspects of my Character away from me. The wolves saw that these aspects were in fact harming and preventing me from entering the house of light unburdened.
As I wrote this I decided I to ask my higher self for some "final words" regarding the dream in form of an Osho Zen Tarot card. I pulled the following from the deck: Number 7 - Stress. Here what stuck out to me from the card:
"The quality of stress represented by this card visits all of us at times, but perfectionists are particularly vulnerable to it. We create it ourselves, with the idea that without us nothing will happen--especially in the way we want it to! Well, what makes you think you're so special? Do you think the sun won't rise in the morning unless you personally set the alarm? Go for a walk, buy some flowers, and fix yourself a spaghetti dinner--anything 'unimportant' will do. Just put yourself out of that monkey's reach!"
"All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening, the world is moving--call it God...he is doing things. They are happening of their own accord. There is no need for me to make any struggle, any effort; there is no need for me to fight for anything."
Recently I have been stressed. Well, recently I have been in denial that I am stressed. My Ego has been getting in my way and I've been allowing it. Even moments before I wrote this post, I found myself trying to plan, manage and control and outcome of a situation that is not even my own. I proclaimed, "This situation is leaving me in a state of limbo and no one seems to be taking it seriously.". That's simply not true but my Ego doesn't want to hear that.
I need to let go and accept that the situation I am trying to control will work itself out. I want to allow faith into my heart so I can trust the present moment and that all will be well. Is it that easy? No but instead of living within my brain and the stress I was cultivating, I chose to be creative. Creativity is my outlet to work through challenges of my life and to represent my true self in it's highest form.
I'm glad I took the time to write this out. Thanks for reading and please have a great present moment!
Matt
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