The Distraction Loop: Ego, Surrender, and the Courage to Begin Again
- Matt M.
- Mar 16
- 3 min read
The last two weeks have been an intense period of purging deeper aspects of my unconscious self. At times I have embraced these moments of purging. However, a fair amount of the time I have resisted this purging of what no longer serves me by distracting myself.
My distractions have taken a daily form. I wake up in the morning around 08:30am feeling refreshed but then my Ego begins to remind me of what I "don't have" or "need to do". From that point on my serenity begins to fade away and my anxiety begins to take over.
As the morning progresses, I find myself over indulging in caffeinated beverages and processed sugar based foods. I know that the consumption of these materials puts my brain into a foggy state of mind. At which point I am too distracted to take the time to look within more deeply.
Throughout the day I will take my dog for a walk or to the park but I feel separate to the experience. I'm not at my physical best so how could I authentically be in the moment with my dog or the world around me?
By the evening I am gearing up to watch some TV. It seems lately that I spend more time trying to find a movie or tv show then actually watching anything. Around 10pm to 11pm my mother goes to bed...but I do not. I stay up until 1am watching TV, internet videos or playing an old video game I enjoy. Then the next day, I wake up at 08:30am.
Rinse and repeat for two weeks. I'm exhausted but I am feeling liberated at the same time. Why you ask? For a couple of reasons.
First, self-realization. I'm aware of the distracted state of being that I'm putting myself into so it's my choice to stay within it or stop it. By understanding that I have a choice I can then open my heart to what I'm distracting myself from.
Second, regardless of the distractions that I'm choosing to bring into my life, Consciousness is still working through me. Helping me to bring to the surface of my being what I no longer require in my life. Admittedly, the process would likely go a bit more smoothly if I didn't intentionally block myself by creating distractions but..hey, I'm human and I'm doing the best I can right now :)
In the moment of writing this blog post, I feel a sense of surrender moving through me. To be specific, I am not taking a physical, mental or emotional action to surrender. I'm noticing the sensation of Surrender and gently welcoming it within myself.
That being the case, this morning I woke up at 07:30am. I fed my dog her breakfast and then I decided to do a formal morning meditation. After the meditation I took Joy for her morning walk and I could feel that I was with her across my mind, body and soul.
Today will present me with challenges. My Ego will want me to revisit the distractions I've been taking part in so we don't have to continue this path of integration across my being. That's ok. I have the tools to help me through the challenges of resistance.
Falling down throughout life is part of our experience. One of our greatest strengths as a human race is that we have the heart to get back up, dust ourselves off and continue down the path.
Thank you for reading and please have a good present moment!
Matt
YouTube Channel | https://www.youtube.com/@planetphoenixpodcast
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