The Dream
I recently had a dream that touched on a number of “open” spiritual items in my life. The dream began in an office building of sorts. I was moving throughout the building completing various tasks associated with my job. It was business as usual.
As I was completing my work, I noticed one of my colleagues who I became friends with, I’ll call her Tina. Tina looked incredibly stressed and came over to me for a moment to explain what the source of her stress was.
Before hearing her out, I remembered in the dream that Tina has been in a physically and psychologically abusive relationship for a number of years. I assumed her stress was tied to this relationship. Tina then explained that she discovered that her boyfriend, Rick, killed two men the week before. I was naturally alarmed by her discovery but remained calm.
My calmness would be challenged when Tina then stated: “I scheduled a meeting with Rick in the office so he can tell me why he killed those men.” I exclaimed to her this meeting was a bad idea for SO many reasons and that we need to get her to the police for protection.
Tina refused and insisted on having the meeting with Rick. I realized in this moment that there wasn’t more I could do as her mind was made up. I had to move on from this scenario as it was unhealthy for me to be around.
I decided to leave the building at this point to walk around. On my walk I came to learn that my friend had passed on. His wife reached out to me to let me know. I wasn’t shocked as he had been suffering for years with a terminal illness. My emotions began to wash over me.
I remember embracing sadness in the dream. I had to accept that I knew this day would come but I also didn’t know how I would feel until it did. I began to cry in the dream and surrendered to it.
I continued my walk with the news of my friend’s passing on my heart.
The next part of my walk included two former acquaintances I had not seen for some time. They were both leaving to go to our mutual friend’s funeral. The one person extended a long rod toward me with a giant hand on it. The hand stopped me as I walked and attached to my belly. He had a big welcoming smile on his face.
I was confused, but I embraced my acquaintance’s kindness as best as I could. Like my recently passed friend, I had not seen him in years so I felt awkward at first. Then his wife looked at me with scornful resentment. As soon as I saw this, I began indicating my discomfort with being in her presence.
She said, “Let’s go. He doesn’t want to see us.”
My former acquaintance still had a big welcoming smile on his face but understood he had to let go. So he did.
I continued to walk.
I would then encounter two more people from my past. My goal was to blow right past them as I didn’t feel comfortable to interact with them. As I began to pass them I heard one of the people from my past project a sigh of dramatic exhaustion.
She said, “Matt, we just want you to be with us at this time.” Her statement stopped me in my tracks. I felt accepted. I responded by asking, “When is our friend’s funeral?” She shared the details with me. This passing validation from a former friend brought up a desperate need for their approval within me.
I realized I did not have the appropriate clothes for a funeral and I needed a car to get back to my place. Then two other friends from my past entered the dream. One of them said to me, “No problem at all. You can take my car.” However, she realized her help was a bit premature as her boyfriend made a mistake with the parking arrangements so the car was inaccessible.
This setback increased the desperation I felt around attending the funeral, and underneath that desperation was my perceived need for their approval. Instead of grounding myself in the moment, I chose to press on and force a solution to ensure I would not miss the funeral.
Then I remembered I had no way to communicate with my former friends to let them know when I would arrive. A phone was thrown in my direction, but I accidentally dropped it onto the ground. Regardless of my fumble, I had gratitude for the assistance...but the fumble was the key aspect of this moment that I chose to ignore.
I was compelled at this moment to walk over to my past friends. I wrapped my arms around them and said, “I’m sorry I left your life in the way that I did.” My apology felt like an obligation that I owed them, not something I meant with my heart.
After I made my statement, I didn’t receive any form of understanding in return. Again...I chose to ignore the bigger picture of this moment and instead pressed on with doing anything possible to attend my friend’s funeral. Even at my own emotional expense.
My next stop in the dream was to take the subway home. I literally hopped from platform to platform trying to catch the right train but every move I made was either incorrect or I was blocked. I became confused. I thought:
“After this entire experience, I am going to be blocked from getting to my apartment and then to the funeral. Why?!”
At the peak of my confusion, I woke up. I had this general sense of feeling accepted but I was also unsettled by the dream. I took the entire day to process it so I can better understand what my guides were trying to assist me with.
What the Dream Showed Me
At the beginning of the dream I had to detach my energy from helping someone who was intentionally putting themselves and my colleagues in harm’s way. Although I wanted to assist, I had to understand when to walk away.
As the dream progressed, I found myself sacrificing my emotional self based on approval from people of my past. At each turn in the dream, I was met with a setback. Instead of grounding myself in the dream, I continued to force myself to perform based on the approval I believed I had finally received. The result was that I exhausted myself into a mental state of confusion and frustration.
Self-Worth and Approval
I believe the wisdom from this dream was to become consciously aware of an unconscious belief system: that I need approval from others in order to fulfill my self-worth. By having this self-realization, I can ground myself in the present so that I don’t act on impulse just because I receive approval from someone from my past, or anyone in general.
Our dreams can provide space for guidance to reach us and help us address unconscious aspects of ourselves that no longer serve our highest good.
Thanks for reading and please enjoy your present moment!
Matt