Originally published, March 2026 - I found the lessons from this time in my life were a good reminder to familiar patterns I’ve experienced recently.
The last two weeks have been an intense period of purging deeper aspects of my unconscious self. At times I have embraced this process. Other times, I have resisted releasing what no longer serves me by distracting myself.
My distractions have taken a daily form. I wake up in the morning around 8:30 a.m. feeling refreshed, but then my ego begins to remind me of what I “don’t have” or “need to do.” From that point on, my serenity begins to fade away and my anxiety begins to take over.
As the morning progresses, I find myself overindulging in caffeinated beverages and processed, sugar-based foods. I know that consuming these things puts my brain into a foggy state of mind, at which point I am too distracted to take the time to look within more deeply.
Throughout the day I take my dog for a walk or to the park, but I feel separate from the experience. I’m not at my physical best, so how could I authentically be in the moment with my dog or the world around me?
By the evening I am gearing up to watch some TV. Lately, it seems I spend more time trying to find a movie or TV show than actually watching anything. Around 10 p.m. to 11 p.m., my mother goes to bed, but I do not. I stay up until 1 a.m. watching TV, internet videos, or playing an old video game I enjoy. Then the next day, I wake up at 8:30 a.m.
Rinse and repeat for two weeks. I’m exhausted, but I am feeling liberated at the same time. Why, you ask? For a couple of reasons.
First, self-realization. I’m aware of the distracted state of being that I’m putting myself into, so it’s my choice to stay within it or stop it. By understanding that I have a choice, I can then open my heart to what I’m distracting myself from.
Second, regardless of the distractions that I’m choosing to bring into my life, Consciousness is still working through me, helping to bring to the surface of my being what I no longer require. Admittedly, the process would likely go a bit more smoothly if I didn’t intentionally block myself by creating distractions, but hey, I’m human and I’m doing the best I can right now.
In the moment of writing this blog post, I feel a sense of surrender moving through me. To be specific, I am not taking a physical, mental, or emotional action to surrender. I’m noticing the sensation of surrender and gently welcoming it within myself.
That being the case, this morning I woke up at 7:30 a.m. I fed my dog her breakfast, and then I decided to do a formal morning meditation. After the meditation, I took Joy for her morning walk, and I could feel that I was with her across my mind, body, and soul.
Today will still present me with challenges. My ego will want me to revisit the distractions I’ve been taking part in so I don’t have to continue this path of integration across my being. That’s okay. I have the tools to help me through the challenges of resistance.
Falling down throughout life is part of our experience. One of our greatest strengths as a human race is that we have the heart to get back up, dust ourselves off, and continue down the path.
Thank you for reading and please have a good present moment!
Matt